Vomiting from helicopters

When I hear a traffic report on the radio, I feel like they just puked on me from their chopper. They hop onto the airwaves, unleash a diarrheal barrage of freeway numbers, and ten seconds later they're gone. An untrained ear might mistake it all for a final frantic mayday. This is not information. This is my radio blowing chunks at me.

Since the damn report isn't useless enough as it is, one station here makes it a point to overlay thrashing metal guitars on top of the entire performance, every single time. All it conveys to me is miles of highway going up in flames. Why is this being done? What is so orgasmic about a traffic report?