Wimp documents

The word 'packet' is bandied about much too freely in offices these days. Every set of forms is now apparently a packet. Membership packets, application packets, information packets.

Two stapled sheets do not a frickin' packet make. A packet is a big fat honkin' slab of paper enclosed in a PACKET. A packet lands on desks with a satisfying fly-swatting, dust-kicking thud. Rule of thumb: if I can blow my nose in it and crumple it into a ball, it's probably not a packet.

And what's up with the "cards"? Any rectangular slip of toilet paper is now a card. I can actually see right through my car insurance identification "card." Rule of goddamn thumb: if I can't poke your goddamn eyes out with it, it's not a goddamn card.